Making A Baby

Making a baby is by far the HARDEST thing I have ever done! I have done so many things in my 36 (almost 37) years of life. Everything I have ever done has always seemed to come so easy, like I was made/created to do everything my hand has touch. I have always felt so blessed, yes we have had our problems same as everyone in life, but God always shows up! I have battled depression, anxiety and a narcissistic boss, but none of those things even compare to the infertility journey we are currently on! Lord give me the strength to walk in Your grace. I know Your grace is the only thing that is going to get me through this journey. 

The ups and downs, the trying to stay positive, the every single thing I notice about my body that I had no clue about 21 months ago! Yea, I am super alert to any pains, cramps, spotting, boob soreness or any sign that I may infact be pregnant. Heaven forbid I get on Google and search anything to do with "signs of pregnancy", I pretty much have every single symptom by the time I get off the internet! Stupid internet, stupid social media, honestly I hate technology, unless it is going to help us get pregnant, then I love it! ;) Yep, my emotions and thoughts are all over the place, God must think I am a crazy person for the amount of contradicting thoughts that go through my mind on an hourly (well let's be honest, minute) basis!

I know He knows my future! Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." He knows at this moment how it will resolve. He knows if I am pregnant as I sit here and type this and I just don't know it yet. He knows if I will conceive but it's not the appointed time yet. He knows if we will adopt and, if so, he knows which child and exactly what that child is doing right now. He knows if I will never conceive. He knows the plan He has for my life and His plan is good–plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future!

This pretty much sums it up right now:

After several months of trying, you start to wonder what is wrong with you and what you might be doing wrong. You wonder if you will ever become parents. It is really painful and it starts to consume you. You can’t think of anything else. But you just push through and try to keep hoping that your prayers will be answered.