It's Here...

I have finally reached that point where this infertility journey has broken me. I don't understand why God picked us to go through this journey. That 1 out of 6 couple that has to take this journey, why us?
I never dreamed 21 months ago that we would be taking this journey, I dreamed that we would have a beautiful baby that would complete our little family but never the thought crossed my mind that we would still be childless! It seems everyone around us has a new baby or is pregnant. YES I know my heightened awareness of this fact makes me see this but FOR THE LOVE!!!
From the beginning I knew it would be at least a year, just my intuition and the fact I have been on birth control for so long and birth control will mess with your body's natural flow! I don't care what Doctors say or all the research in the world, birth control is making your body do something is isn't suppose to do. Jed has always thought that we would be pregnant right away, in the beginning he was scared it was going to happen right away and he wouldn't have time to "prepare" for a child. ;) But now he is "this needs to happen NOW!" :) I love that man, the man that is usually negative speaking (got that from his mother) has always been positive about this journey. I call it "journey" because the word "infertility" sounds harsh to me, like you have a freaking major malfunction, which I do, but for the love!

I read this morning and thought "yep, that's me!". Oh why, oh why do we have to take this journey???

My fertility woes have sucked my always-and-only positive outlook replacing it with what I like to call a more realistic view on life and it’s done this while adding pounds to my seemingly broken body.

Fertility journeys aren’t for the faint of heart. They will rip you up and spit you out like you’re dirt. And in the next breath, they will ask you to smile because you’ll never get pregnant with a bad attitude.

Infertility makes you feel crazy. Broken. And fat.

People who survive it always say, “It’ll all be worth it,” and I’m sure they’re right. I mean, that’s what all this is for, right?

But in the meantime, it kills you first.

I need to put my thoughts down somewhere...I need to feel as though I am letting the world know how broken and hurt I am without actually letting the world know! :)